Never Give Up

When I say I want a break, it’s not a break from my work. It’s not that I need a day to catch up on my sleep.

It’s a break from my mind, from my body. From my thoughts that have now become reality. The fear in my mind which my body fights through. The tension, pain. Thoughts that just never seem to end.

Running around in a circle which I can’t get out of. That’s what I want a break from.

I wish I didn’t have to second guess everything. Look into every possibility. I want to make an easy “yes” and “no”. Why should my mind control me?

It’s like she’s still there lost in the back of my mind. She is still there – somewhere. She just needs help getting back. And she will.

I wish I could tell her all of what was to come. Prepare her for the ride. To break free from what was holding her down. But the truth is, you can’t prepare for it. It hits you like a wave and holds you down.

But that’s okay because you can and will survive whatever life hits you with. I just have to understand these things take time. It’s not just simple to fix. So it’s okay if it takes a while. And it’s okay if the chapter has to keep going for a little while.

My mind isn’t well and that’s something I have to address. With hope and strength I shall make it.

So keep going. Life isn’t an easy ride. You can be swimming one day and be drowning in the next. But even if your floating – paddling so hard while your head glides. Your trying, your surviving. Even if people can’t see it.