I never asked to be a fighter

I never asked to be a fighter. But life had different plans for me. It threw me face down. Real smiles turned to fake And life just laughed and said survive.

Each day comes with my mind fighting. Life feels so hard and I can’t understand why. I told myself that everything’s a lot at the moment. It was and it still is.

But I promise that I’m trying for you. First it hurt me. And now it’s changed me. I know the old me is gone – I want her back. But would I even recognise her?

This constant fight in my head leaves me drowning. It’s been like this for so long. Existing. Yet I’m still here.

Fighting.

Behind all the crying, behind the pain, Is just a girl who wants everything to get better. Feel excitement. Experience living – not surviving.

And even though I never asked to be a fighter. I had to adapt. Because this won’t go away. And to my younger self who couldn’t see me here today.

I’m here – I’m fighting.

When your so rock bottom. And everyday you wake up to the sun shining, you still feel grey and negative. All the time. It’s one of the worst things I’ve ever experienced.

But I’m fighting. The only thing I know for certain is that I have to keep going. Because there is a life out there where I don’t have to survive.

It may be a long path. And I know I never asked to be a fighter. But I’m going to fight.